I Saw You Die
by Walkinthegarden
Summary: In a moment of weakness Arthur tells Uther that Merlin is a warlock. As Arthur watches him die he realizes everything Merlin's done for him. The prince soon meets the boy he left fatherless with Merlin's death, and the woman his manservant loved. SEQUEL NOW UP


_**You tell me the laughter's come and gone but I'm okay with that.**_

"_I'm a warlock."_

It rings in my head over and over, never ending. He trusted me, believed in me and I failed him. I was so overcome with grief and betrayal that I let my emotions run and I ran to my father with the damning news. The look on Merlin's face when I told him he was evil, would never cease to haunt my mind.

_**I keep my defences safe and strong and I'm not turning back.**_

I stood in the court as the guards dragged Merlin in by his arms. They forced him to his knees before my father.

"Merlin, the Prince of Camelot has accused you of being a sorcerer. How do you respond to these charges?" King Uther asked my frightened manservant. Merlin's beautiful eyes turned to me, betrayal evident in them as they well as tears and still an unending loyalty to me. Even on his knees before the king, about to be sentenced to death, he was silently asking me what I wanted of him.

In a moment of weakness I turned my head from him, only hearing his next words.

"Guilty… sire."

**_I'm standing here with fractured hope,_**

A part of me believed that somehow Gaius would find some way to convince my father to free his ward, but the logical and realistic side of me knew he would not be able to. Morgana stood by my side, tears streaming down her face as she looked down at Arthur as they tied him to the pole. The look in her eyes was pure devastation, she loved Merlin more then anyone else in this world. Morgana had never been happy before meeting Merlin, that boy had unlocked her soul and taught her to love again. His death was going to destroy her.

Gwen stood next to Morgana like a dutiful Lady's maid, refusing to meet my eyes. Morgana wasn't angry with me yet, to overcome with sadness to fully realize I am the reason Merlin is in this mess, but Gwen was not. She was furious with me, betrayed by me. She didn't understand why I had told my father when I knew what kind of man Merlin was. She thought I was hard headed and a pratt… she was right. I didn't think when I told my father.

_**And all alone with words unspoken**_

Merlin looked up at me, meeting my eyes in order to punish me. The words never leave his lips, but I knew what he was telling me. The words he didn't speak still cut deep into my heart because they are not words of malice. He was telling me, even in the face of death, that he still loved me, that he was still loyal to me, and should he somehow make it out of this he will still fight by my side and protect me to the best of his ability, but what killed me the most is he didn't blame me.

His eyes turned from me and looked out into the crowd, searching for someone. I tried to find who he is searching for, for Gaius and his mother were right there by his platform of timber. Suddenly I spotted them, the person his eyes were searching for. It surprised me when I realize that the one he sought was a woman. She stood near the center of the crowd, a red dress clinging to her thin body and a black cloak encasing her shoulders, but what surprised me most was the bundle in her arms, clearly a baby.

I froze when I saw her. Could that baby be Merlin's child? After all he had told me of a lady in his life, a beautiful young girl whom one day he wished to marry, but would Merlin really defile her in such a way before their marriage?

My thoughts were interrupted when they lit the kindle.

**_I saw you die, in front of my eyes_**

I gasped sharply when the fire reached Merlin's legs, burning through his breeches. I clenched my jaw to keep from crying out as Merlin screamed in pain. Scream after scream erupted from Merlin's throat as the flames consumed him. I held back my tears as my eyes flickered to the woman with the infant. She was pushing her way through the crowd till she stood at the front.

Merlin's mother took the babe from the girl's arms, holding it close to her breast as she sobbed. I noticed then just how stunning she was, dressed like a royal instead of the commoner's clothes that I expected of a woman of Merlin's. She stepped forward with a tear streaked face. She stood before Merlin, watching him as he burned before her eyes. In a moment of bravery and courage Merlin said his last words.

"I love you."

I watched as she mouthed a return of the words of affection.

_**I watched you fall without a choice.**_

Merlin's screams could no longer be heard as he had screamed himself raw. His knees gave out from under him, sinking him deeper into the flames. I watched as the boy that had served me with unending loyalty took his last breath, getting flames instead of air.

When it was clear he was dead, they put out the flames, after all, what warning would it be with no body? His body was covered in burns, but somehow his face remained untouched, unscarred by the flames. Despite the dirt and sot the woman dressed in red ran to Merlin's side. She kneeled next to him, taking his charred hand in her own and pressing a kiss to it. She sobbed as she curled into the dead young man's chest and my heart tore in two. I had taken him from her.

_**To hear you breathe, what I wouldn't give**_

I went for a ride after the execution, taking the horse Merlin always rode instead of my usual steed. I needed to clear my mind, to feel the freedom I had just taken from someone I'd considered a close friend. I stopped when I spotted a tree with a red ribbon on it. Tears filled my eyes as I dismounted the horse and walked over to the tree. I let the material that had been ruined by rain and heat, fall through my fingers.

"_There is so much in this world we don't understand," Merlin sighed as he turned onto his stomach to face me._

"_I don't disagree, but why say that this moment?" I asked, gazing into the fire._

"_Well, there is so much out there we don't know. Is there a life after this? Is the future set in stone? Are people born evil?" Merlin asked, taking a bite of his bread. I smiled, nodded my head as I pondered his thoughts. I had just opened my mouth to answer him when I heard him splutter and cry out. He was clawing at his neck, choking on his own food. I rushed to his side, grabbing his shoulders and pressing his back to my chest. I whispered words of comfort as I rocked him, hoping his choking would cease. After a few moments he took in a large breath, causing a smile to break out across my face. Even though he was breathing regularly I still held him close, allowing his warm body to press against me. We fell asleep like that, my arms wrapped protectively around him. _

_When I awoke the next morning he was still curled in my arms. He shifted within them, feeling me wake. He smiled up at me as he detangled himself from me. He walks over to the tree and ties a red ribbon to a branch. _

"_What is that for?"_

"_Incase we ever get lost."_

If only he would breath against me again.

_**To have you here with me.**_

I returned to my room after returning from my ride to find the woman in the red dress asleep in my bed, her babe beside her in a cradle. Unsure what to do, I just stood there. Why was the woman in the castle much less asleep in my bed?

"I put her here," Morgana said, stepping out of the shadows, her cheeks tracked with dry tears. "She came seeking Gaius for shelter and I thought you owed Merlin to meet the child you left fatherless."

I gawked at her. Morgana was cruel, but to bring my servant's lover whose death is my own fault to my chambers was a cruelty beyond all else. I felt my heart break as I gazed down at the innocent lady asleep in my bed. Upon closer inspection I realized she couldn't be older then sixteen.

Morgana gave me one last tearful glance before exiting my room. When I heard the door close behind me I peered into the cradle to see a small baby staring back up at me with beautiful sapphire eyes. The baby was a boy, if the dark blue blanket was anything to go by. The baby giggled under my stare, reaching his chubby arms out to me.

"He wants you to lift him," the woman said, sitting up in my bed. I glanced between her and the baby before nodding as I tried to lift the small baby boy. I fumbled with him in my arms as I tried to shift him so we would both be comfortable. The woman laughed lightly as she slipped off the bed and walked over to me, helping me position her son in my arms.

I looked into the baby's beautiful blue eyes, and it was as if Merlin was still here.

**_I should've known by the look on your face, but I was too blind to see_**

I looked at the woman, smiling down at her beautiful baby now asleep curled against my chest. Tears threatened to spill over her lashes as she gazed down upon him with such love and affection.

"He's all I have left of Merlin," she said, smiling fondly down at the baby.

"_Merlin, will you shut up?" I yelled as glared at my humming manservant. Suddenly it dawned on me just why he was humming, a girl. A smile spread across my face as I turned to face the beautiful boy. "What's her name?"_

"_What makes you think it's a girl?"_

"_A lad then?" I teased, laughing to myself when his cheeks flushed at the comment._

"_Not a boy," he mumbled._

"_So long as she's not married." I didn't register his frown._

"He's Merlin's baby then?" I asked, already knowing the answer. She nodded, a small smile on her face.

"Yes, he is." She looked up into my eyes, tears adorning her own. "No, we never married." She turned from me, choosing instead to look out my window as I continued to hold her child.

"I'm Lady Destiny of Essetir; the King is my uncle, who took me in after having my father killed. My Uncle despises me, he loved my mother but she chose my father over him and she died giving birth to me. One of his knights took a liking to me and my uncle had me married to him. My husband is a ruthless man who has brought me to near death more times then I can count. He would hit me till I could no longer walk. He forced me into his bed every night in hopes of conceiving a child." She turned back to me, tears streaming down her face as she gazed upon her son. "One day I ran from my husband, for hours I ran, till I could run no more and collapsed in the forest. Merlin's mother found me. She brought me to her home, but I was mere inches from death. There was nothing she could do for me and I only had days to live. She sent for Merlin, hoped maybe he could use his magic to heal me… he did. He saved my life and I fell in love with him."

"Is that why he returned home every week's end?" I asked, suddenly understanding.

"Yes," she whispered, a fond smile lighting up her face in a sad memory. "When it was time for him to return I'd sit by the window and wait for him. He arrived at sundown each time causing me to run out to him and he would sweep me up into his arms and whisper in my ear how much he missed me. Not long later we fell in love and he asked me to marry him, but of course I have already married. I reminded him of this and we were both devastated. We shared a night together, throwing away the laws and ethics of our society and just allowing our love to consume us. Nearly three months later I found I was with child."

"A year ago, a year ago he asked if he could return home for two days at the end of each week. It was because…" Suddenly so much of Merlin's world made sense and it only made me feel worse. I looked down at the child I'd left fatherless and felt my heart swell with sadness and a need to protect.

"Yes, he wanted to be with me each second but he said it was his destiny to protect you, that one day you would be a great King. He loved you so much. He sat beside me with love when I birthed our son. When his mother laid that boy in his arms I had never seen him look prouder. I asked him what he wanted to name our baby and… do you know what he said?"

I looked up into her eyes for the first time. "What?"

"He asked me, so shyly, if we could name him Arthur," she told me, tears once again clouding her eyes even though she had only just stopped shedding them.

_**The fire slowly turned into pain, I walked for miles trying to find my way.  
**_

I ran from her, nearly thrusting the child into her arms before exiting my chambers. With tears leaking out the corners of my eyes I ran through the square, past the townspeople and guards till I was deep in the forest at the shore of a lake. I fell to my knees in exhaustion before looking up at the sky in anger. "Why?" I screamed, letting out all my anger and hurt. I fell back onto my arms as tears poured from my eyes.

"You have killed the very one who has protected you for nearly seven years," a voice said. I looked up to see a large Dragon standing over me, the one I killed almost three years ago.

I blinked up at him, trying to figure this peculiar situation out. Was it a ghost? Was my mind playing tricks on me?

"I didn't mean to, I didn't think," I admitted, tears still glistening in my eyes.

"No, but you never have if anything Merlin has told me is correct. It is truly a tragedy, his death," the Great Dragon sighed, shaking his massive head at me.

"I just…" I looked up at him, shame no doubt covering my face, "I want to go back in time, stop myself from… from reacting the way that I did."

"Understandable," the Dragon stated sympathetically, "Merlin was meant for greatness, not a young death. Things that would have made Camelot a utopia will never come to pass. Tell me, does his child also possess magic?"

I stopped; it had never occurred to me that the baby would also have magic. My troubles weren't over at Merlin's death, if the baby had magic my father would execute him and after having his father killed I was not about to let that happen. "I do not know if the baby has magic. How could I tell? Is there something I can do? I will not let that boy die!" I screamed.

"Ask the boy's mother, she will know if her son possesses magic," The Dragon told me. "Remember young Arthur, that now you have no guardian to watch over you. Camelot will never be all that she could have been, but she will still be great so long as you learn a great deal from this mistake." With that the dragon flew away, and I never saw it again.

_**Still standing here, I'm not improving,**_

I stand perfectly still as a man lights the bonfire no matter my screams of protest. Of course I knew it was a dream but it still all felt eternally real. I could feel the flames and the fear as I tried to avoid the orange heat. I could feel my skin blister as the fire consumed my lower half.

I looked up, tears mixing with my sweat as my gaze turned to my father. He was standing on the balcony, staring down at me with such hate that I couldn't help but feel sadness. Suddenly the pain levels rose as the full force of the pain consumed my body.

I let out a scream of pain as I bolted upright, my body covered in the sand of lake shore. My breath came in short, hollow gasps as I tried to get the feeling of the flames off my skin. If it hurt so terribly in a dream I can not imagine how it truly felt. For the second time, I wept.

_**Faced with fear and I'm not moving**_

When I returned to my chambers the next morning, Lady Destiny was still in there. She had likely borrowed a dress from Morgana as she was no longer dressed in red. Her small body was sitting on of Arthur's wooden chairs with her hand inside the bassinet. Her hair was done in typical Morgana fashion and it spilled over the sides of the cradle. She was singing to her son, an old song that I had never heard before, about a parentless child and an adopted mother.

Her voice was soft and welcoming, yet I felt paralyzed in the doorway, watching such a beautiful moment between a mother and child. Merlin should be standing here, watching the woman he loved and their baby instead of me. It should be Merlin.

As the song clear started approaching an end, the beautiful young woman swept the small baby boy into her arms twirled him around the room till the last words left her mouth. She looked up at me with tears in her sad eyes, but a smile of happiness. It made my heart rip in two to look into her eyes and see the pure devastation behind them. I had left her with nothing, taken away her only security.

With tears in my eyes I stepped forward and encased her and the baby in my arms.

"I will protect you," I promised.

**_I saw you die, in front of my eyes_**  
**_I watched you fall without a choice._**

**_To hear you breathe, what I wouldn't give  
To have you here with me._**

**_I'm standing here with fractured hope_**  
**_And all alone,_**  
**_I'm lost without you._**


End file.
